


The Burdens We Bear

by rowdyhooligan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Branding, Demonic Possession, F/M, Nightmares, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-19 21:39:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17009688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rowdyhooligan/pseuds/rowdyhooligan
Summary: Recovering from being possessed by a demon, the reader is plagued by nightmares of what happened. Gadreel is there to help.





	The Burdens We Bear

**Author's Note:**

> cross-posted from tumblr: requested by @msauthoress: Ooooh. Here’s one I have; I never got to doing it, but you can definitely take it. I had an idea that the reader was possessed by a demon and Gad worked the hardest out of the team to find the reader (and of course the demon is extracted without killing the reader), and so the reader is somewhat traumatized afterwards. Mostly nightmares, so Gadreel does whatever he can to help the reader.

“- _audi nos_!”

The power of the exorcism pressed at you, pulled and tugged as it tried to force out the demon wearing your skin, to no avail. Your mouth opened, not to release a plume of smoke, but to let out a twisted, mocking version of your laugh. The harsh sound of it filled the dungeon, echoing in ears that were no longer your own. Your expression arranged itself into a sneer.

“Damn, all that time tracking me down and turns out you’re firing blanks,” you heard yourself taunt. “Better luck next time, Hot Wings.”

You wanted to flinch at the demon’s cruel nickname, but as long as the demon was in the driver’s seat, all you could do was watch from inside your own mind. Watch and listen as your voice taunted and mocked Gadreel, scornfully reminding him of all his past mistakes, including the hunt that led to your possession. He had gone along as backup, to guard and protect you. But, it sneered, he had failed.

He failed to count and make sure all the demons were dead, failed to keep the demon from burning your anti-possession tattoo off your arm, and failed to stop it from taking control. He failed to keep the demon there long enough to exorcise it, and failed to stop you from escaping. He and the others had pursued you relentlessly, always managing to find you no matter how far or fast you ran.

But it hadn’t been prepared for the tenacity of your angelic lover. Gadreel was your closest friend and confidant, a bond forged when he returned from the dead, restored to his former power, but at a loss for what to do with himself. You had taken him in as a favor to Cas, shown him the ropes of hunting, the attraction between you growing stronger with each day. His quiet humor and gentle strength made him a source of comfort and companionship.

He dogged your steps tirelessly, finally tracking you down and capturing you just outside Reno, bundling you up and hauling ass back to the bunker. The combined efforts of the Winchesters and the angels to exorcise the demon, however, were unsuccessful. You wanted to shout, to alert them of the brand carved into your abdomen, but the demon kept you silent, using your face and form to torment your friends.

“Face it, boys, your friend here is my little bitch now, and I’m not going anywhere,” it said, your voice sing-songing.

Castiel and the Winchesters didn’t rise to the bait, forming a huddle to discuss their options. Gadreel, however, took another step closer to the chair you were bound to, anger etched across that normally stoic expression. “You will leave her,” he ordered, heat creeping into his voice, “unharmed and immediately.”

“Or you’ll do what, lover boy?” the demon asked, flashing black eyes at him. “If I say no, what are you gonna do? You’ve already tried an exorcism, angel, and that didn’t end so well for you. You want me gone, there’s only one way to do it…and based on what I’ve seen poking around in your girlfriend’s noggin, something tells me you’re not looking forward to aerating my meat suit with that angel blade of yours. So if you can’t exorcise me, and you’re not willing to kill me, kinda leave your options limited, doesn’t it?”

“Not necessarily,” a gravelly voice said before Gadreel could reply.

Castiel stepped forward, a newfound look of determination on his face. The demon felt a twinge of apprehension that was hastily pushed down when you mocked its fear. Gadreel stood aside reluctantly, unsure of what his brother had up his trenchcoated sleeve. The grim faced angel faced you, glaring down at your possessed body with determination burning bright in those blue eyes.

The demon’s uneasiness grew the longer Cas stood there, completely emotionless, the others forming a stern-faced wall behind him. The demon flicked your eyes from one face to the next, looking for any hint of what they had in store for it, and you. It flinched back when Cas knelt down in front of you suddenly, instantly angry that it reacted. Cas mumbled an apology before gently lifting up the hem of your shirt; Gadreel shifted in place behind him, grunting in disapproval, but his objections went unheeded.

“As we suspected,” Cas said, moving aside with your shirt still in hand, exposing the jagged lines of the brand carved into your skin.

“Well, well, well, give the angel a prize,” the demon said, injecting a note of bravado into your voice, “looks like you found me out. Now what are you going to do? No exorcism in the world is gonna spit me out- not as long as the brand ties me to this bitch.”

“I’m aware,” Cas replied drily.

The demon watched, your eyes widening in alarm when he brought his palm up to your belly, the blue light of grace shining bright. “Heal me- remove that brand- and I’ll snap the bitch’s neck before you can smoke me out,” it snarled.

Cas halted immediately, his eyes narrowed as he took in your expression. Whatever he saw there must have convinced him of the demon was telling the truth: if they tried to remove the brand tieing it to you, you were as good as dead. He rose, returning to the others to discuss their next move. A sense of victory surged through you; the demon was convinced that it had them backed into a corner, using you as its hostage.

It was surprised when Gadreel strode forward suddenly, pressing two fingers against your forehead. Darkness overtook you before the demon could react, sleep clouding your mind. The last thing you saw was Gadreel kneeling before you, a look of tenderness crossing his face as he brought a hand up to your stomach, grace already stitching the wound together. And then, there was nothing.

****

A scream tore through the air, jolting you awake. Surrounded by shadows on all sides, another scream ripped from your throat at the oppressive dark. Gasping for breath, you looked around wildly, your mind slowly catching up with the rest of you. Awareness came slowly, several moments passing before you recognized the familiar outlines of the bedroom the Winchesters insisted you take while you stayed at the bunker and recovered from your ordeal. Reaching out, you groped around blindly in the dark, flicking on bedside lamp. The soft glow filled the room, chasing away the shadows.

Sitting up, you huddled in on yourself, struggling to catch your breath, alone in the empty room. Your hands shook as you wiped away the sweat beading your forehead, lower lip trembling as you fought back tears. The nightmares were getting worse; you couldn’t remember the last decent night’s sleep you’d gotten. Every hunter had nightmares; as gruesome as the life could be, they were inevitable.

But never had yours been so lucid, so detailed, and they were growing more vivid as time passed. It had been weeks since you were possessed, the demon long since returned to Hell- it didn’t matter. Unlike most nightmares where you tried desperately to escape from some unseen danger, this time, you  _were_  the danger. The nightmares plaguing your sleep deprived mind were memories.

A soft knock at the door caught your attention. Jerked back into the moment, you hastily scrubbed away the tears that had slipped free despite your best efforts, clearing your throat  and calling out for whoever it was to enter. You weren’t entirely surprised when Gadreel poked his head through the door, a worried look on his face. He had pleaded to stay with you at the bunker, a request not even Dean was willing to deny. Most nights the angel was there with you when you woke from a nightmare. Usually, you would assure him you were fine and he would be gracious enough to believe the lie. Tonight, however, it was too much.

“I stepped out to speak with Castiel and heard you…” he said, voice gentle and without judgement.

“It’s nothing, I’m fi-,” your voice caught on the lie, wavering.

Gadreel stepped inside, shutting the door quietly behind him. He said nothing as you broke down, the tears you could no longer hold back spilling free. He merely sat beside you, his arms going around your shoulders as you curled into his body and let yourself crumble. Shuddering sobs wracked your frame, soaking his shirt in no time. He pulled you into his lap, maneuvering you easily. One arm wrapped around your waist while the other rubbed soothing circles across your back.

“I see them, Gad,” you babbled, hiccuping on a sob, “every time I close my eyes, I see them clear as day.”

“Who, beloved?” he questioned.

“The people I killed,” you confessed, “it- it made me watch. I see _my_  hands ripping open their throats,  _my_  fingers choking the life out of them…there are so many, and I see them all. I hear their screams and smell their blood and I can’t stop it. No matter what I do, I can’t-,”

A sob choked off the rest of your words. You hated this, hated how weak and pitiful you felt. It was just like before, when you were still possessed. Every time the demon had made you kill someone, it would taunt you, mock your anger and helplessness. It would call you pathetic, a weakling who couldn’t save yourself, let alone anyone else. Every new victim it took made you wonder if it was telling the truth. And to have Gadreel see you like this…it was humiliating.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, burying your face into his shoulder so he couldn’t see your embarrassment. “I’m sorry you have to see me this way.”

“Hush,” he crooned, stroking up and down your back, “there is no shame in this. You have been so strong for so long, my brave warrior. Let me be strong for you now.”

Your heart clenched at his words, touched more than you could say. The floodgates opened once more, now that you had permission to let yourself be vulnerable. All of the tears you’d been so desperate to suppress poured forth; you cried for the people the demon killed, for the grief their loved ones must be enduring, for shattering their orderly lives. You cried and cried until there was nothing left.

Through it all, Gadreel said nothing. He let you cry yourself quiet, your hiccuping little breaths filling the sudden stillness. His silent acceptance was worth more than any platitude or reassurance. He intuitively knew that what you needed was the catharsis of releasing all of your pent-up guilt, and in his own quiet, thoughtful way, provided that solid shoulder for you to lean on…figuratively and literally.

“What happened to those people,” he spoke suddenly, his words rumbling in his chest, “was not of your doing. That creature who took you forced you to do things you would never consider otherwise. You were as much a victim in this as they were.”

“But-” you began to object.

“No,” he cut you off, gently coaxing you to look him in the eye, “no ‘buts’. Tell me, my light- was it by your will that those poor souls lost their lives?”

“No,” you denied vehemently.

“And was it your intention to bring grief to their loved ones?”

“No.”

“Then why do you blame yourself for actions that were not of your doing? Why torment yourself over something you could do nothing to prevent?” he asked you.

“I know, Gad, I know, but…when I see myself doing these things in my nightmares, and know that it actually happened, it doesn’t really mattered who was in the driver’s seat.”

His eyes filled with sorrow; tucking your head under his chin, his arms tightened around you. “Oh dear one, I would give anything to take this pain from you.”

“I know you would, Gad,” you mumbled.

“If I cannot bear this burden for you, then please, tell me what I can do to help. What do you need of me?”

Curling deeper into his arms, the answer was right in front of you. “You Gadreel…just you, like this.”

“You have me, for as long as you allow me to stay by your side.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to move past this,” you warned, “if I’ll ever be able to let this go. I’m probably going to break down again in the future.”

“And I shall be there to hold you, just as I am now.”

Tears of gratitude pricked at your eyes, but you had no more tears to shed. Head throbbing and nose stuffy, you felt like your brain was stuffed with cotton; you were mentally and physically wrung out. “I’m so tired Gadreel.”

“Then sleep, my love. I will be here when you wake. I will always be here.”

Stretching out together in the cramped bed, his arms shielding you from the dark, you believed him. Your angel would always be there to catch when you stumbled, to be strong when you were weak, and help you bear the weight of your burdens.


End file.
